Made to be Broken
by Yokomi
Summary: Some things, Kakashi knows, are just made to be broken.


**Author's Notes:** Hi! This is a sort of character development thing that discusses how Kakashi changed from a stickler to the rules to what he is now. It's kind of similar to 'Masks', so if you liked that one, you might like this one as well! Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:** I OWN NOTHING!

 **Made to be Broken**

In his short nine years of life, Kakashi knows one thing for certain. A lot of things are made to be broken. Most of the time, people wouldn't want them to _be_ broken, but they still break somehow anyways.

Bones, for one, are very easily broken. It only takes one lucky shot, one strong hit and a satisfying crack for even his nine-year-old self to break a grown man's arm. Kakashi himself had gotten his ribs, arms, legs broken on numerous occasions… but that didn't really matter; he had two-hundred-and-six bones. Having a few broken meant nothing, not to him at least.

Memories, those are easy to shatter as well. Not in the literal sense of the word, but more in the meaning of lost, gone and _long-forgotten_. Lost they would be when the person who carries them is nothing but a corpse, unable to make any more precious moments. Gone they would be when the person who cherishes them is unable to think about them because _God_ does it hurt when he remembers _them_ , those he shared his memories with. Long-forgotten they would be when the person who carries them no longer cares, and _please make this my last mission, please, oh please_.

Kakashi hears of well-respected shinobi who cracked and snapped and broke, like someone he used to look up to _(don't think about him, don't think, don't,)_ , especially now during the war, and he thinks the mind is easily broken as well. It only took a few _(too many)_ disdainful looks and a bit _(a lot)_ of tongue-lashing to drive even the White Fang to commit seppuku.

Even the heart, and although people only have one, is very easy to break, very brittle, very weak, one event away from shattering completely to little, tiny pieces. It only took _his_ death for Kakashi's heart to break, Kakashi thinks bitterly.

But not to worry, not all is lost, Kakashi's nine-year-old mind reassures. Everything that breaks can be fixed, whether it be bones, memories, minds and even hearts.

Bones, the easily broken white stuff, can be repaired just as simply. Setting bones, even when on the field and the panic is high, is easy enough and with a mediocre medic at his side, repairing the torn tissue will take time, but it will be as good as new once the healing chakra repairs the damage, takes away the pain.

Memories, being so easy to lose and forget, are not important. Kakashi doesn't need memories to work. They won't help him hold a kunai better. They won't help him throw a shuriken with spot-on aim. And they certainly won't help him kill a man without flinching, wincing, react in any way just to prove he is still _human_.

And as for minds… Well, what need did he have for that anyways? The only thing he needed a mind for was to remember what the mission is, to come up with a strategy and the rest is up to him to execute. He needn't one to remember the tortured screams, the gurgling noises a dying person makes as he died nor the pained expressions on the enemies' faces. He needn't one to remember and _crack_ and _snap_ and _break_.

The heart, the one he only has a single one of, is unimportant. If Kakashi could say so himself, it was useless, and it only got in the way. Its only job, that gave it at least _some_ importance, is that it pumps blood through his vein, helps the coppery liquid circulate, and makes sure to keep him alive by doing that.

So, Kakashi thinks, as he arrives early for training as per usual, that, really, there are certain things not meant to be broken. Certain things he could still depend on, that would make him better for his village, the _perfect shinobi_. Certain things that were the Shinobi Rules.

Thus, Kakashi memorizes them, repeats them and drills them into his mind, like a good shinobi should. He keeps them at the back of his mind at all times, able to pull them out at any moment to know what he must do.

And he didn't know why so many shinobi don't see it (Minato-sensei and Hatake-san included), the way the rules make life much, _much_ easier.

They teach him valuable lessons, how to deal with every situation. They tell him not to cry, wince or show pain when his feeble bones are broken. They show him how utterly insignificant and trivial being human is, how having memories is nothing but a hindrance, when that would only get in his way when he attacks and goes for the kill. They state that thinking about anything during a mission can do nothing but cause pain and hurt in the long run, and to avert that, he has to think about the mission, its success, completion and _nothing_ _else_. They prove that hearts and feelings are petty in the face of the mission.

And Kakashi likes the Shinobi Rules. He likes how they give him a complete guide, a way to live his life away from any hatred or ill-feelings from anyone around him. He likes how they help him cope with everything, even after all that's happened. But maybe, if he is honest with himself, he especially likes them because they make him seem different from _him_ , the man that used to be his hero, who used to be his father.

So Kakashi lives every day, arrives early no matter what, doesn't bat an eye when his teammate and teacher come on time, scolds his other teammate when he's late, doesn't believe his excuses and returns to silence, speaking only when necessary, only when the rules are on the verge of being broken. He's happy that way, he tells himself.

But then, Uchiha Obito decides to throw away all the rules in less than a second and speaks about scum and trash and heroes. Kakashi, with a snort, lets him be, and tells himself he doesn't care about _them_.

Then, for some reason, he finds himself going after them, the two idiots who he somehow got stuck with on a team. He loses an eye protecting one of them, and maybe that's just as well because Kakashi feels like a complete failure, betraying and breaking the rules like he has.

He only has half the mind to think about how he is supposed to serve his village now that he has one eye. A crippled ninja is a useless, dead ninja, after all. But Obito doesn't let him contemplate that for long, and suddenly it's an eye for a life. He gets a new eye that aches and hurts and throbs and _cries_ the tears his eyes could never shed, _are not allowed to shed._

But Kakashi thinks that's alright because it is not him crying, and Obito can cry enough for both of them anyways.

It rains on Obito's funeral and maybe some tears fall down both his cheeks, but the rain is enough to cover the tracks. He has a feeling Sensei knows anyways, but if he does, he says nothing. He just ruffles his hair and gives him a small smile, a mockery of his usual vibrant smiles.

He's thirteen when he thinks about how things are easily broken again. And this time, he thinks bonds can join the list too. 

Bonds, the brittle things, can break, and sometimes, it's impossible to realize they're _there_ until it's too late to know, like the bond he shared with _him_ , the boy who spoke of heroes and compared him to trash _(don't think about him, don't think, don't)_.

But unlike bones, memories, minds and hearts, bonds aren't as easily repaired.

Bonds with people long gone, for one, can never be retained. Bonds with people he can't look at without remembering something can never remain the same. Bonds with people he has never met before he can never keep, and he wonders if it is him that's scaring _(and killing)_ all humans away, or maybe it's something else.

So, Kakashi decides it is time for change. He silently apologizes as he slowly stops following some of the rules. The ones that tell him how to survive he keeps, but the ones that tell him to value missions over comrades he rejects.

He doesn't notice when he starts to lose track of time. He doesn't know how it happened, actually, but he is surprised he doesn't care.

So Kakashi lives every day, arrives barely on time sometimes, and other _(most)_ times he arrives late, he tries to get out of whatever it is his teacher wants him to take part in, he doesn't want to interact with anyone _(he'll just lead them to their deaths, he speaks from experience)_ , and tells Sensei not to worry because he's visiting Obito and Rin every day, he doesn't understand why Sensei looks at him the way he does but he returns to silence anyways, speaking only when necessary, only when his rules are on the verge of being broken. He's happy that way, he tells himself.

He is not surprised he doesn't care about the Shinobi Rules anymore. He laughs at his nine-year-old self and his sheer _naivety_ when all he did was follow the rules to an insane degree.

And Kakashi likes his rules. He likes how they give him a complete guide, a way to live his life away from everyone. He likes how they help him cope with everything, even after all that's happened. But maybe, if he is honest with himself, he especially likes them because they make him seem different from _him_ , the boy he used to be, who used to be right, who used to be perfect.

In his long thirteen years of life, Kakashi knows one thing for certain. A lot of things are made to forever be unbroken. Most of the time, people wouldn't want them to _be_ broken, and they don't, they stay there, forever remembered, forever there, forever never forgotten.

Bones, memories, minds, hearts, bonds and many, _many_ more. They all break, shatter, and sometimes turn to dust, but there will always be some way to fix them, some way to mend them back to the way they used to be, glue the shattered pieces back together and make sure the cracks are not _that_ visible.

But Kakashi, thirteen years old now and so much more mature than he was, just knows that there is one thing that he _is sure_ is made to be broken.

Once he used to think that they taught him valuable lessons, how to deal with every situation. They told him not to cry, wince or show pain when his feeble bones are broken. They showed him how utterly insignificant and trivial being human is, how having memories is nothing but a hindrance, when that would only get in his way when he attacks and goes for the kill. They stated that thinking about anything during a mission can do nothing but cause pain and hurt in the long run, and to avert that, he has to think about the mission, its success, completion and _nothing_ _else_. They proved that hearts and feelings are petty in the face of the mission.

But now, he knows better.

He knows that the rules are made to _be_ broken.

There _is_ no such thing as the perfect shinobi. There is, however, something known as the perfect killing machine.

And if Kakashi is honest with himself, he'd very much prefer to be human than another tool.

 **Author's Notes:** Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this fic! It was done in one sitting, surprisingly XD Please tell me what you thought of it! R&R!


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